we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
