God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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