I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
