It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Randomize