Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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