ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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