apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
