Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
