Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
