I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize