I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
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