She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
