Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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