She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
