allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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