I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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