My Higher Power is John Stamos
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
