i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
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