I'm gonna have a badass scar
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize