Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
