Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
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