this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
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