Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
