I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
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they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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