I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Randomize
