Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
