Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
