ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
tell your sister to shave her snatch
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
