I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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