elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
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I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
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I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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