I cannot find my penis.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
