those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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