dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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