I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
