i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
