I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
pop tarts are not kleenex
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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