Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
