I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
