I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
