I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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