This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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