i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
