the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
