If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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