I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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