just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
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We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
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I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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