If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
