AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
