don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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