if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Life is so much better after having sex.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
