sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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