She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
you didnt know i had herpes?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
