i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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