God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
