Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
