Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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