He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
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I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
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You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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