for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Come see our sink grown plant.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Randomize
