I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
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