in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
