She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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