she takes plan B like it's going out of style
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
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You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
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i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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