just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
