You smell like stripper and shame
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
