I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
