Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
