last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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