i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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