If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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