Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
