so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
