Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
