im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
