It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
