can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
