I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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