I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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