so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
