My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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